The Early Years
I was super-active as a kid, but I always had a "problem" with food, especially sugar and carbs. I would sneak food and binge. It never showed up on the scale, but I felt ashamed about what I was doing with food. I didn't want anyone to know how obsessed I was with it and I preferred to eat alone in my room without anyone else seeing.
During high school, the bingeing increased, and I finally started gaining extra weight from it. I was using food to cope with depresssion, anxiety, and feelings of being inadequate. I developed anorexia because I didn't want others to notice the weight gain and I also wanted to continue to excel in gymnastics - a sport where extra pounds are very noticable.
Can you believe that I thought I was fat?
Once I got to college, my mental and emotional struggles increased. I wasn't able to do gymnastics in college and I was struggling to make friends. I turned to bulimia to cope. My weight plummetted to a clinically unhealthy level, and I was out of control. I was exercising up to 8 hours 7 days a week. I stopped showing up to class and hit my all time low in all ways.
As time went on and I met a few key people who helped me find my self worth, I started becoming a happier person and started finding my place in the world. At that point, I still had an eating disorder but it was slowly improving. I made a pact with myself that I would gain some weight back. I found myself out-of-control eating, and my weight swung into the "overweight" category. I was still bulimic, but I used mostly exercise as a way to "purge" rather than as much vomiting as I had been doing.
These photos are not from my heaviest, as I would not allow my picture to be taken, then, but they give you an idea of what I looked like when I was bingeing:
I gained 50 lbs. in 2 years due to bingeing.
I was always bloated and uncomfortable, and food ruled my life.